reclaiming the space

for a while now i've had about six square meters of floor space in my room. double bed. laundry basket. wardrobes. bedside table. two huge rat cages. guitar in case. sad, sad, sad to have the guitar in it's case in the corner. it is a precious thing to me. today, it is coming out of storage and returning to where it has a right to be, posed on it's stand at the end of my bed looking beautiful and getting strummed whenever i have a chance.

i am reclaiming my space. how often do we do this? how often can you say that some expenditure of either energy, time, money or all three can regain something so precious as the space to openly display a beautiful instrument, or wonderful piece of art? i need this space. this is an entirely selfish act which although has benefited others (the two small ones who now have a bigger home), is entirely about me wanting my space back.

bad enough that i share my room with boyfriend, i need this little bit of space for me. my sewing machine has been relegated to under the desk to make way for desk space desperately needed for study, and i refuse to have both of these beautiful things in storage. so the guitar, my liberator, my escape, my musical flair is coming out of the closet.

but this little act set me thinking about all the other space that is cluttered by things that could be different in my life. could i clear mental space for things i'd rather have there? how many times in my life have i pushed dark thoughts away to reclaim the space in order to focus on the good things? i do it deliberately, and i do it often. i imagine a lot of women do. but we often ignore the physical space. as women, we are hoarders, we like things. all women i know, we like things. it's two, three carloads for all my possessions each time i move from house to house, and i have no idea how to minimise it. maybe this is what men mean when they say that it's a fight to live with women. we have so many things.

so much baggage. emotional, obviously, comes with the sex, but physical too. and i don't know why we carry it all around with us all the time. we can go on retreats to try and figure out how, long weekends spent in the woods talking about chakras and peace and female strength, but what happens when you walk back through the door of your bedroom and you're once again surrounded by all those things that remind you of why your space is not only yours?

Thanks x