it's all about the journey

it's all about the journey. the journey we begin on our first breath which doesn't end until the last. there are stops and starts and twisting winding impossible roads but for the most part we stay on course. we run off the road we all lose the road sometimes but we continue we keep on and you find the road again eventually. sometimes someone comes along and helps you find the road again. i have been lost. i have been lost many times along my twenty two year journey. i am hoping that this medium of self-communication may help me to find exactly where i am meant to be heading and exactly who is supposed to be with me.

i once heard an analogy of life about God which put it all in the perspective of a car journey. in short, it says that in order to live a life which is full and happy, you must allow God, or Jesus, or whichever deity is your preferred, to drive your life, and you must be willing to take a backseat. now in a way, i do believe this. although i don't believe in God, or not as someone who has control over my life in particular, i believe there must be a stage at which you allow somebody to take the wheel. allow somebody else to have control and allow yourself to recuperate in the back seat. i recently drove from Glasgow to London in a day, and trying to drive your own life all the time is much like that. it can be done but it's exhausting and hard. you end up taking your shoes off and smoking too much and feeling ever so slightly mad.

i don't know what the Plan is. if there's a Plan, nobody's looped me in on it yet. all i can hope is to continue the way i am going and see what happens. and hopefully, writing things down rather than trying to bottle them or have people etch them into my skin or battle them with drugs and alcohol, i can see them for the gravel that they really are and just take a stronger grip of the wheel and drop into a lower gear for a while.

my life is about to get very busy and very difficult, or so i've been told. but in order to follow one of many dreams, i must do my best. and my best is inside me somewhere just waiting to come out.

thanks.